http://youtu.be/PI30FTcmd6Y
Precis.
Hi. I have written a book wherein I reveal secrets (mine, those of others) and also make admonishments regarding the human race. It is called Self-Helpless: A Misfit’s Guide to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.
It can be purchased. And read. Virtually. Courtesy of the fine fellows over at the Outpost 19.
A while back, I shared a representative sample:
Then came:
Now it’s a random footnote. But really it’s not a footnote. It’s really a sweeping disclaimer/mea culpa/apology. (What else could I write, etc.)
NOTES
[*]
Mercifully, there are no footnotes in the original version of this chapter. In lieu of footnotes, I would like to use this space to issue a blanket apology to anyone and everyone I have offended, whether in this chapter or anywhere else, for that matter. To my sister, for instance, for the time she was in a play in first grade and I heckled her from the audience; to Nick W—, the kid I punched in the stomach in fourth grade because he said something bad about Amy T—, the little Mormon girl (what’s with the Mormon meme?) I had a long-term monogamous crush on throughout elementary school; to my father, for not letting him watch me play golf during my last year on the high school golf team, the year I broke 80 for the first time and we went to the state finals; to my mother, for the time I skipped an entire week of school in third grade (long story), even though I got caught and got in trouble anyway; to St. Augustine for co-opting and bastardizing the whole spiritual autobiography idea; to David Foster Wallace, Dave Eggers, Jenny Boully, et al, for co-opting and bastardizing the whole meta-footnotes idea; etc. I suppose I could go on and on but that would defeat the purpose of a blanket apology. Suffice it to say, if I owe you an apology, you know who you are — probably even better than I do. I am sorry. And thank you. I feel better. Amen.
